i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
