Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
