I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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