so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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