Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's paint friendship bongs
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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