Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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