She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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