Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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