The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
