i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
