I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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