We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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