all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
