I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
