He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
