The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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