I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
