how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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