i would punch a child for taco bell
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
