If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
