hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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