Where is the hickey?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
