i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
