I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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