well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize