she looked like the before picture.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
