Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
