Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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