I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
