She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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