So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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