he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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