She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize