i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
