It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
