The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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