ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
