I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
