How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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