Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i will never coherently bang her
only you would photoshop your dick
she told me i tasted like america
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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