I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
