It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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