i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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