just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
