I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
