he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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