someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
