Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
