Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
