oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my shit smells like andre
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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