Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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