My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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