if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
