Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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