WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
