Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
