Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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