one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my poor anus
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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