vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
