I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
