she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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