i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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