9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
