somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
