It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
