my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
